Branching out, Magic 8 ball

I actually shared a link to this blog on Twitter.  It is a step closer to me being totally ok with myself and what I write.  I figured Twitter was pretty safe cuz while it is out there for all to see, the chances of it actually catching attention is pretty low.  Facebook would be another story...and possibly a next step but for now, I will stick with Twitter.

Will I forget I have done this in about an hour and start ranting again?  Magic 8 ball says 'it is certain'.  If Magic 8 ball says it, clearly it is true ;-)

I wonder if I can find a magic 8 ball to put on here?  I had one a long time ago on another blog so surely I can.  Who doesn't love magic 8 ball?  C'mon.

I need to pay more attention to the bands my kids listen to cuz....

.....this guy is hot.  I am SO FAR out of Avenge Sevenfold's "demographic" but I already thought they were a pretty good band (you should hear some of the crap my kids listen to...ooph) and now to see this guy?  Holy cow.  Who knew - probably a bazillion teenage girls but hey, I at least I figured it out too.

How did I discover this?  'That Metal Show'.  Thank you, Eddie Trunk.  LOL

VD(ay) and other atrocities

I shared with a friend of many years last night that seeing Valentine's Day stuff makes me really unhappy. REALLY. UNHAPPY.  Of course she asked why and my answer was that it is just a sad reminder of some things that aren't that great.  It was an honest answer.  It reminds me that I'm not "coupled" and again, I embrace being single most of the time but there are other times when it is a bummer.  I'm human.  It also reminds me of a situation that I wish was different; however, you cannot force feelings.  I get it.  I also cannot flip my feelings off/on like a switch.  If I could, they would not be real.  RIGHT?  Right.  

Considering my propensity for making really (REALLY) bad romantic choices/decisions, this is not as bad as it may seem.  Trust me on that one.  Is it a stop on my path?  Maybe.  Will it turn a little more serious in time?  Maybe, but maybe not.  I understand the odds are not in my favor here. 1)  Male. 2) One previous marriage to an absolute heinous, no soul having wretched, wretched bitch - a bitch of the most heinous kind as she practically ruined a great, thoughtful guy.  There is no adequate level of contempt for women like that but...I digress.  3) Commitment is feared on a level that even makes ME look not commitment phobic at all.  Dudes. What can ya do? (yes, I know chicks have their own issues.  Duh, but this is my blog so..well, you know)  The important thing is that I recognize and acknowledge realistically and not try to justify things that I know aren't for me.  Ahhh, progress. 

I will say this - you cannot, in my opinion (disclaimer), have a truly healthy relationship with anyone until you can have one with yourself.  Learn and live autonomously, draw on your inner strength and find out what makes you tick.  How can you possibly know what you want/don't want in another person if you don't know who you really are - the good, the bad, the ugly and the awesome?! I learned this finally (FINALLY!) but it took me way longer than it should have.  Better late than never though.  

I am tempted to go dig up a blog entry from a few years ago....oy, I'd cringe.  The amount of justification I was doing for really crappy behavior will be astounding.  

Upward and onward, folks.   

Lyrics O'The Day

Today, I want to share a whole song.  I'm not huge into country music but I really like the lyrics to this song.  In fact, I wrote them in a book I made for my daughter.

Song: I Hope You Dance
Artist: Lee Ann Womack
source for lyrics: http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/leeannwomack/ihopeyoudance.html 

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder,
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger,
May you never take one single breath for granted,
GOD forbid love ever leave you empty handed,
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.

I hope you dance....I hope you dance.

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance,
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Livin' might mean takin' chances but they're worth takin',
Lovin' might be a mistake but it's worth makin',
Don't let some hell bent heart leave you bitter,
When you come close to sellin' out reconsider,
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.

I hope you dance....I hope you dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along,
Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone.)

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance, 
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance. 

Dance....I hope you dance. 
I hope you dance....I hope you dance. 
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.. 
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along 
Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone)

Lyrics O'The Day

Wake me up when its all over
When I'm wiser and I'm older
All this time I was finding myself
And I didnt know I was lost

From the song 'wake me up'...no idea who sings it :)

Tuesday

Havent posted in a little while so I’m kinda falling down on the job but what can ya do?  I’ve been working crazy hours, my insomnia has been ridiculous…blah blah blah.  Whatever.

Had my niece’s baby shower this past weekend, it was great.  It is REAL now.  To protect her privacy I will not go into the situation much but the twins she is about to have – NEXT WEEK – are miracles.  Straight up.  I cannot wait to meet them! 

It was really nice to see my sister and her family as well.  It had been way too long.  I need to do a better job of keeping up with the important folks in life.  It is easy for months to pass quickly and then you realize you haven’t talked to or seen ppl important to you, it sucks.  I suck.  Gotta do better with that stuff. 

Is it too early to mention that I am already dreading Valentine’s Day?  Sure it is a goofy, commercial holiday…no argument.  I dread it cuz it just reminds me that I don’t have a ‘Valentine’.  How important is this in relation to life in general?  Not much but it is a chick thing, what can I say?  Ugh.  You know, this will only cause me angst if I let it.  I cannot give this vday stuff any power.  That easy, right?  Riiight. 

Nothing else I want to write. 

Weekend

A string of 12-14 hr work days plus very little sleep = sleeping just about all of Saturday and late into Sunday morning. I had things I needed to do this weekend but did none of them cuz I had some serious exhaustion going on and I hit the wall. I feel like I caught up on sleep but now it is bedtime on Sunday night and I am wide awake. I cant do another week like last week so lets hope the cycle is not starting again.

E's team won their game today so that is good, they needed the win. I hope they can build on the progress shown today. I like to watch her play, it never ceases to amaze me how well she handles high pressure situations that I wouldve never been able to do at her age.

I was able to catch the two new episodes of 'Girls' tonight. I love/hate that show, will explain that one another day. 'Shameless' started back tonight too. I love that show. I may watch it if I dont get sleepy soon.

What other random things can I ramble about here? Hmmm...I know, I will just do a random list of things..whatever comes to mind. Why not?

1) Energy drinks are BAD for you, dont drink them. And for sure dont let your kids drink them. Seriously, bad!
2) You hear some really interesting stuff when your daughter plays on a boys hockey team. Example: a discussion about what could be used to protect your junk if you forget your jock - a shoe, puck, tshirt, can of coke....no, I am not kidding. I heard this and then heard my daughter say "a shoe? Really?" Hockey kids, gotta love 'em!
3) I need to try harder to overcome my absolute lack of interest in being social. It is actually not lack of interest, it is lack of energy to be totally honest. Either way, gotta try harder. Isolation is not good for anyone.
4) I think I have seen just about every episode of 'Law & Order'.
5) I know I have seen every episode of 'Friends'...multiple times.
6) Massages freak me out. (I know, I am weird)

Thankfully, I am starting to feel sleepy. If I go to sleep right now, I will get...7 hrs of sleep. Go.